Psalm 37:6-8

He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.

Wait patiently for him…

That’s not easy for me to do.

I was reading in Psalms this evening and this phrase stood out… it’s as if God was trying to tell me something…

I’m one of those people who works really hard to get all her ducks in a row.   Once I know what I want, I don’t like waiting around.  I work hard.  I like to see results.  When I have to wait, I am often not at all patient.

Over the past couple of years, I have been on a journey trying to discover what my giftings are, and how God is calling me to use them.  I have tried several different things, hoping to find my niche (i.e. bible college, moving to Hawaii…), and although all were wonderful experiences, they left me still, well…antsy.

This past Summer, God made it quite clear to me what is next (to be announced when it becomes “official”).  I am excited.  I am ready to go, and to serve, and to get my hands dirty.  But- it’s not quite time.  I have worked to get all my ducks in a row, and now there just sitting there… waiting.

Although some days the waiting drives me CRAZY, I am trying my best to trust that God knows exactly what He is doing.  It is in times like this where I am reminded that His timing and mine are often completely different.  And as I look back at the last couple years of my life, I am so thankful of the ways he’s shown up and proven himself faithful.

Unfortunately, this is a lesson I have not learned yet.  Often, I still pout when I don’t get my way; still trying to take my life into my own hand and manipulate my situation to get exactly what I think I want or need.  My prayer is that I would learn to fully trust God, and wait for Him to bring exactly what He has promised.  May I truely understand that His timing is so much better than mine!

Hopefully I get better at this!

Last week, a couple of my good friends, Mitsu and Mari were married in Japan.  All week, I was slightly bummed that I wasn’t there to celebrate with them.

So- when I’m bummed, or stressed, or simply bored, I bake…

…this was the case this evening.

These cookies, to me, taste a lot like sugar cookies, with a slight after taste or matcha.  If you know me well, you know my fondness of green tea- so I thought these cookies were delicious!

Many times, after experimenting with a recipe, I contemplate posting it on here, and never really have before.  So- here’s (hopefully) the first of many recipe’s…

Happy baking!

Green Tea Cookies

Makes about 2 dozen

Ingredients

3/4 cup Confectioners sugar

5 oz unsalted butter, cut into cubes

1 3/4 cup all purpose flour

3 large egg yolks

1 1/2 tbsp Matcha (powdered green tea)

1 cup Granulated sugar (for coating)

Directions

1. Whisk the confectioner’s sugar and green tea together in a bowl.

2. Add the butter and green tea/sugar mixture to the bowl of a stand mixer.  Mix until smooth and light in color. Add the flour and mix until well combined.  Add the egg yolks and mix just until the eggs are fully incorporated and a mass forms.

3.  Form the dough into a disk and chill in the refrigerator until firm (about 30 minutes).

4. Preheat the oven to 350F/  Line a sheet pan with parchment paper.

5. Roll the dough out to 1/2″ thickness.  Cut the dough with a cookie cutter.  Toss each cut cookie in a bowl of granulated sugar to coat.

6. Place the sugar-coated cookie on a parchment lined pan.  Bake for 12-15 minutes, or until slightly golden brown around the edges.

Lately, I have been coming more and more to the conclusion that my life is not about me…

Picture this: You star as an extra on the scene of an up and coming film.  Maybe you’re in a crowd of people at a party, or maybe even better, maybe the camera stops on you, for about a half a second… and maybe you’re part doesn’t even get cut out.  You’re stoked.

At the premiere  of your movie (after all, you are in it…) you invite all your friends to the unveiling of your greatness, letting them know (repeatedly, of coarse) how awesome you did…

…and throughout your movie, you friends wonder if they missed you… how much makeup where you wearing? NONE of the main characters looked like you! Afterwards, they come to you, confused, wondering which character you were.

That movie was not about you….  you were an extra.  Your part was about a half a second long…. you were starring, appearing rather, in someone else’s story.

This is us. Your story, my story, our stories, really aren’t ours, they’re His.  The movie we are appearing (briefly) in, is Jesus’. It’s about Him, it’s for Him, and to say it’s ours is simply ridiculous.

But- honestly, how often do we do this?  How often do we blow up the importance of our brief appearance in someone else’s story?  Our job, as an extra is really to point to the main character.  For us to believe that the story is about us, or rather try to rewrite it, is preposterous.

Now, don’t misunderstand me, I am not trying to dillute our importance- the bible says that we were all created in the image of God, for a specific purpose.  There are people that only you can reach, and things to accomplish that only you can accomplish… You were created uniquely, you are powerful.

But- this can become distorted.  We forget that our life is not really our own.  We forget that our job is to simply Love and obey Jesus Christ, and to point others to Him, honoring Him with our entire lives (simply put, difficult to walk out).

In order to live as Christ created us to, we must say no to our flesh, daily, and take up the cross of Jesus Christ.  We must think beyond ourselves.  What are you investing in?  What are you giving to? What happens to it when you die?  Can you take that to Heaven with you?  More and more, I find myself asking this question.  What am I investing in?  Sometimes, my answer is a bit unnerving!

I have been reading through the book, “Crazy Love,” by Francis Chan (for the second time…) with my church worship band.  Chan’s book is full of convicting truths, with the goal to make you, stop, examine your life, gaze upon Jesus, and learn to Love him better.  It’s been wonderful to talk through some sobering topics with a group of worshipers who simply want to learn to Love better.

I am hoping, through this process, I learn to Love Christ better.  I want my life to really not be about me (after all, it’s not mine, it’s His), but about glorifying Jesus.  I want others to look past me, and see Jesus- through my words, in my actions.  I want to live a legacy of Jesus.

I want to live like You do.  I want to see like You do.  I want to Love like You do.  I am Yours.

I want to be so trusting, so in Love with Jesus that my life simply doesn’t matter anymore.  I want to be able to get up an “GO” wherever he tells me, whenever He tells me.  I want to be able to say that compared to Jesus, nothing really matters (and really mean it).  I want to effect thousands, upon thousands-introduce generations to Jesus, simply by the way that I live my life.

Am I there yet?  No way.  Am I getting closer?  I hope so.  For me, I have a feeling this is going to be  a life-long process. But- as I step forward with Jesus, hopefully I am beginning to look less like me, and more like Him.

“I will go where You go.  I will say what You say.  I will be what You want me to be.   Over mountains and plains, through the valleys and seas, I will be what You want me to be.”

Here’s a thought:

“if what the Bible says and how you live your life don’t match up… then you must begin the process of change”

Reading the bible doesn’t always feel good.  It often challenges me and causes me to re-access my walk with God, and my actions towards others.  If what I’m doing, or thinking isn’t aligning with what is written in God’s word, then I am not walking in what God has for me.

Often times, it is through God’s words I am challenged, and shaped.  It is during my time with Him that I am strengthened and encouraged; where my direction is made known and my path becomes clear.  It is so important that I am spending time, daily, with Him in His word, listening to His voice; allowing Him to show me what I am made of.

He’s our Author, and our Maker, and the Perfecter of our faith;  why in the world would we not want to listen to Him and do what He asks us?

So when your life, and God’s words don’t line up, you must change.

“God always requires the ridiculous in order to release the miraculous.”

Over the past couple months, I have not been able to get this truth out of my head.  It seems to be ever present in my thoughts throughout my day, it slides out of my mouth in conversations with others, and it rolls around in my head, interrupting my dreams, when I close my eyes.

When I go to the bible, I find this statement to be nothing short of truth.  The Word of God is saturated with stories of God asking ordinary people to do ridiculous things, and then watching the extraordinary unfold.

God asks Noah to build a boat (on dry land) for a flood that will wipe out the nations….He asks Abram, old and childless, to leave his country and go to a place unknown, promising to make his name great, and to give him an uncountable inheritance….He caused the Red Sea to split with the lifting of a staff… He called a small boy, with nothing more than some stones and a sling shot, to defeat a giant and his army…He empowers Nehemiah to rebuild the walls in Jerusalem in 52 days….He causes the walls of Jericho to fall through marching and trumpet blowing… He tells a paralyzed man to get up and walk, and he does…He calls Peter out of the boat, and he walks on water…he asks for a little boy’s lunch, and feeds the thousands.

Often times (I am including my self in this one…), I think that we, as Christians tend to skim over the miracles God has allowed us to read about, simply because we already know the ending… it doesn’t seem like God is asking a lot from Noah or from Peter, because well, we already know that the flood comes, and that Peter walks, not sinks.

The ridiculous doesn’t seem so ridiculous when we see the ending, it’s just a part of the story.  After all, it rains and Noah is saved, and Peter walks on water… so what?

But- what is God calling us to?  What are the things that we have pushed aside because they sound too crazy?  In what ways have we held back the hand of God because we find what He’s asking of us to be just too ridiculous?

Have you ever stopped and thought about why God asks us to do the things that He does?  Have you ever wondered why He includes us in miracles? I believe it all boils down to trust.  Do we really trust that God is who He says He is?  Do we really believe that He’ll come through for us?  Is it really possible for something amazing to come out of an improbable situation?

In life, when I am asked by God to do something, something utterly impossible for me to complete on my own, I have no choice but to give it back to Jesus.  I have to ask for His help, and I have to rely on Him, trusting that He will be absolutely faithful in taking care of me.  Through the process of trusting God through my weaknesses, I am able to witness His strength, and I get to display His glory- both through the process and after.  How amazing is that!

I recently visited with some friends of mine who are in the process of moving to Romania.  They are only about half way to their monthly budget, but are choosing to believe that God has called them, and that they will be taken care of.  In the eyes of the world, they seem a bit crazy.  Who in their right mind would move across the globe, and not be confident in their finances?  But- in the eyes of God, they are in the most perfect, beautiful place, a place of complete trust and surrender.

I believe God wants to get us all to that place, ultimate surrender. The place where we are saying, “God, you are literally all I have.  If you don’t come through for me, there’s no other possible way.”  God wants for us to be dependent on Him, he yearns for it.  I believe it’s when we get to this place (and only when we get here), we allow God to perform the miraculous.   He’s not waiting because He’s not able, He’s waiting because we’re not ready.

So- thinking about this, why do I still rationalize God?  Why do I try and tame Him, try to limit Him into something that I feel comfortable with?  He’s not safe, I should know that by now.  I can’t change Him, and I shouldn’t want to.  He’s not something that can be molded, and fit into whatever box I want Him in, He’s the God of the Universe; I’m the one who needs to be molded and changed into His likeness, not the other way around.

If I want God to use me, I better be prepared to do exactly what He asks of me, when He asks me to; no matter what it looks like, no matter the cost.

I want to be one who God uses in crazy, beautiful ways.  I want to hear his voice clearly, and respond immediately.   I want to be one who others look at, and can only explain the way my life is lived through Jesus Christ.  I want to be unshakable. I want to see the dead rise, the lame walk, the blind see, and the prisoners set free.

I want to be apart of the miraculous.

But, I must first agree to the ridiculous.

I’ve been listening to this song all morning as I get ready for church. I love how it declares the goodness of God!
O, praise Him, Hallelujah!

“Come, you who are blessed  by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.  For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes, and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.”

Then, the righteous will answer him, ” Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and gave you something to drink?  When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you?  When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?

The King will reply, ” I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.”

This past week, I was given the opportunity to tag along with a group of pastors to El Salvador.

I have spent the last week in schools, churches, a home for the elderly, and in a refugee camp, handing out food, extending a hand of compassion, and showing others Jesus.

For any of you who know me, know that I believe I have been called to “Go” and be the  hands and feet, the words and the touch of Jesus in Countries other than my own.  I have been praying and wrestling with what this looks like for me, and how to prepare for the life Christ has created me for, asking him to give me his heartbeat for his people, seeing others through his eyes, instead of through my own.

This week, Christ has allowed me to view a simple snapshot of just that, and I am overwhelmed.

It’s funny when you enter into someone else’s world, and live for a second in their shoes, when you allow them to share a bit of their story with you, and you in turn, share with them the hope that is only found in Jesus, how other things just don’t matter quite as much anymore; your perspectives begin to change.  Sharing Jesus with others, helping them discover hope and life, and showing the a glimpse of the immense love their Creator has for them, watching them come alive in that moment, makes almost everything else obsolete.

…The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.  James 4:11

In El Salvador, I met numerous beautiful people, all of different ages and circumstances, living with extreme uncertainty; each with a story, each easily overlooked.  From the elderly woman knitting hats to pay for her daily medicine, to the little girl whose parents cannot afford to send her to school, so she simply goes, and waits outside the school hoping to learn from afar, hoping to be fed, I found people desperate to be seen, and desperate to be loved, desperate for hope.  As I began my feeble attempts to communicate with others (my Spanish is less than mediocre, at best), the stories of individuals began to unfold.  If I would have simply kept walking, I would have just assumed the elderly woman knitted simply to pass the time, and I would have just assumed the little girl simply forgot her school uniform, and was too shy to simply come into the school assembly.  Instead, the effort was made, on my part first, to approach, to connect, to listen, and then to pray.

What good is it my brothers, if a man claims to have faith, but has no deeds?  Can such a faith save him?  Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food.  If one of you says to him, “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed, but does nothing about his physical needs what good is it?  In the same way, faith by itself if it is not accompanied by action, is dead… a person is justified by what he does and not just faith alone.

As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead. James 2

Sitting at home, reflecting on what God has done in me, through me, and around me the past couple of days, I find myself asking a rather scary, yet legitimate question.  What holds me back from reaching out to the “inconvenient lost” here?  Why do I pretend that there is no need at home?  What makes me overlook people here?  What holds me back from looking people deep in their eyes, meeting them where they are, and simply extending the hand of compassion here?   That is something I must wrestle with.  Those are questions I must answer.  It’s crucial that I move beyond my selfishness and into the selflessness of Christ.  It’s there, and only there, that lives are restored, futures are discovered, and love and hope are found.

My prayer is simply that I would learn to hear the voice of God clearly, and that I would learn to immediately say yes to what He is asking of me.  I long to be one who does not see others through the viewpoint of human imperfection. I yearn for a shift of my paradigm, to see others as Christ sees them–perfect, and whole–through the eyes of perfect, selfless love.  I desire to be one who is unseen; one who is transparent, whose life points to the love and grace of Jesus Christ, rather than on my own comfort and gain.

I pray that I would continue to learn what it means to effectively be the hands and feet, the voice and the touch, the heartbeat of Jesus no matter where I am, regardless of circumstance, culture, and feelings; that I would go where he goes, say what he  says, and be what he wants me to be.  May I learn to extend a hand of compassion to others, while offering them the life giving power of Jesus Christ.  For He is the only thing worth living for.

Listen, my dear brothers:  Has God not chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom of he promised to those who love him?  James 2:5

“Some dreams are so powerful you cannot let them rest in your sleep.  You have to live them when you’re awake.  You dream with your eyes wide open.”

What do you dream about?  What pulsates inside of you?  What burns inside your veins?  What do you feel most alive doing?

I have dreams that I cannot shake.  There are things in me that seem to burn unquenchably inside of me. Things I yearn to do, to be, to become…  

I have dreams of seeing thousands saved.  I have dreams of healing.  I have dreams of seeing people set free.  I have dreams of raising up the next generation, discipling them into passionate Lovers of Jesus. I have dreams of sharing the gospel in other Countries, touching people and seeing them healed, and being the hands and the feet and the words of Jesus; radically displaying Love, like it’s never been seen before.  I have dreams of getting married and raising a family, and dreams of traveling. I dream of changing the world.

“Wow,” you might be saying, “Don’t you think your dreams are a little lofty?  Do you really think you can accomplish all that?  Oh, and by the way, how much of that are you actually doing right now?”

To answer your questions:  Yes.  I do believe my dreams are a little lofty… and yes I do believe that I can accomplish them, but not on my own.  I believe that the dreams that have been placed in me can only be accomplished with the help of the One who placed them in me.  It requires that I choose to walk what is not yet seen, as if it were already come to pass.  After all, who really dreams of things that are easy for them to accomplish on their own?   If my dreams can be fulfilled by me alone, without God’s hand, I’m settling for much, much less than what I’ve been fashioned for.

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see…. Faith is not the Christian version of a wish.  It’s about speaking something into reality… Faith is about substace.  It’s about knowing what has not happened will certainly.  Not because you will make it happen, but because God will make it happen.  It’s conviction about things unseen.  It is the promise of a better world, a better future- a better you.  

 Often, I think we begin to listen to the voices around us.  We begin to question the dreams placed in us.  We begin to think them to be impossible.  We stifle our dreams, and tell ourselves that it’s childish behavior, we fear that the pursuit of our dreams, the things we ache to do and to be, and to become, will end in complete failure, and utter disappointment.   After all, why should we walk in what is yet to come?

Maybe that’s why God places such a high value on child-like faith… because children are so good at dreaming…

In the book of Hebrews, the  Devinely-inspired author describes faith as “being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”  Faith, is choosing to agree with what God wants and walking it the unseen as if it were seen.  It’s choosing to discover what we’re made of (by discovering the One who made us), and choosing to conquer our overwhelming fear of failure.

Effective dreaming also takes focus, it takes effective planning.  The danger of dreaming without planning, and without action is your life is nothing but a mere dream…  You become all dream and no action.

We need to learn to dream more.  We need to learn to expect more.  Jesus didn’t look at things from an Earthly perspective, rather He saw things differently.  He saw the future, and walked in it as if it was.

In order for me to live up to the God sized dreams in me, I must give my all to the very One who implanted those very dreams inside me.  I must fixate my gaze upon Jesus, and allow Him to direct my thoughts, and my desires… I must give Him the rights to my life, and allow Him to direct my steps in the direction He wants me to go.  I must allow Him to shape me, molding me into the person He created me to be. He plants my dreams inside me, and through faith and action, I water and cultivate them into growth.  

God created us to dream big.  He created each individual uniquely.  He created  each of us for a specific reason, to accomplish specific things… why wouldn’t He want each of us to widely succeed?  You’re His “Plan A (and by the way, there’s no ‘plan B…’).” God’s on your side.  He wants you to live your life fully alive.  He wants you to walk in the impossible.  He wants us to dream, and to plan, and to trust, and to act.  He wants to make the impossible, possible. 

I am learning that dreaming is risky, yet, my dreaming is essential (and vital) to me walking out the life that Christ has set before me.  I am called to dream wildly, to dream extravagantly, and to dream bigger than I think is possible, and then to walk in faith, as if it is to come. 

My prayer for you is that you would learn to do the same.

You have called my to walk to the beat of a different drum. 

You have placed desires in me, created me to think differently–You’ve given me wisdom and discernment and a Love for people. 

You called me out of the ordinary, out of my “nice place” and into the world.

I choose to go.  I choose to obey.  I choose to love, to live the life you have called me to.

You promise my next step will become clear, soon.  You promise to provide- promising to light my path and direct my journey.  

Your word never returns void.

I am beginning to understand You’ve called me to people that others tend to “brush aside.”   

Train me.  Equip me.  Prepare me.  Open the doors you intend for me to walk through–use me.  

Send me.

The other day, I was sharing an orange with Levi and Juls.  My brother walked up and began talking to the two toddlers,
“Hey! Whatcha eating, Levi?”
“Ohwrange.”
“What noise does an orange make?”
“Yummy.”

So cute. So funny. Man, I love those kids…