The other day, I was sharing an orange with Levi and Juls.  My brother walked up and began talking to the two toddlers,
“Hey! Whatcha eating, Levi?”
“Ohwrange.”
“What noise does an orange make?”
“Yummy.”

So cute. So funny. Man, I love those kids…

Life in my shoes seems a little crazy and uncertain lately.  I have been finding myself uneasy about my present, and my future (I’m not going to list all the details… for heaven’s sake, I am posting this on the internet for all to see…).  Life seems to be changing all around me, leaving me constantly wondering (and sometimes worrying) about “what’s next”.  What does that look like?  And, how in the world am I going to afford it?  It seems like the more I ask myself questions about my future, the more I wonder if what I’m doing, right now, is really what I am supposed to be doing…I’m not wasting my time, am I?

This weekend, our church hosted a worship and transformation seminar.  It was awesome.  We spent a lot of time focusing on who we actually worship, and how that really effects who you are.  

What you think you worship and what you actually worship aren’t always the same things…

What do I really worship? What goes through my mind when I wake up?  What do I exalt with my words, and with my actions during my day?  What consumes all my time?  What do I dream about while I’m falling asleep?  Hmm… some of these questions don’t have the answers I wished they did…

So, I find myself asking Jesus, once again, for forgiveness.  I find myself, once again, running to the foot of His cross, humbling myself before Him, and giving Him my life. This evening, I thought it might help me remember the goodness of my Savior if I dwelt upon some His characteristics.  As I have done, this, I am once again finding myself falling more in Love with Jesus, the One who first Loved me.

My Jesus is:

my Supplier, in time of need

my Comfort

my Healer

my Strength

my Vision

my Voice

my Love

my Savior

my Friend

the One who fights for me

holding my future in His hands

all knowing

full of aggressive grace

abounding in mercy

gentle

tender

patient

incomparable

adventurous

funny

forgiving

my banner

altogether Lovely

worthy of all of me

passionate

unable to tell a lie

crowned in glory and honor

my redeemer

my restorer

my supreme light

humble

the lifter of my head

the fairest of 10,000

the resurrection and the life

the root of Jesse

the splitter of history

Love

the fulfiller of destinies

the only way to heaven

the greatest teacher even known

the feeder of thousands

the Lion of the tribe of Judah

the ultimate sacrifice, a lamb without blemish

the fulfillment of prophesy 

eternal

just

faithful in keeping His promises

my God.  In Him I put my trust.  To Him I give my life, my Love, my all.

Today, I have been reminded of my flesh. 

I hate that I am human, that I say what I think, and act upon what I act on, most of the time, completely oblivious to my surroundings; completely unaware of how my mishaps are effecting myself, others, and my relationship with Christ. 

All day I have been reminded of the fact that the battle I am fighting is real.  I have been reminded that although I long to do what is right, it’s just not that easy.  In his letter to the Romans (7th chapter), Paul describes his war with war against his flesh beautifully,

What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing the things I absolutely despise.  So if I can be trusted to figure out what is best for myslef, and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s commands are necessary.  

But I need some thing more!  For if I know the law, and still can’t keep it, and if the power of sine within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help!  I realize that I don’t have what it takes.  I can will it, but I can’t do it.  I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway.  My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in action.  Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

It happens so regularly that it’s predictable.  The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up.  I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight.  Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.    

I’ve tried everything and nothing helps.  I’m at the end of my rope.  Is there no one who can do anything for me?  Isn’t that the real question?

The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does.  He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different. 

I love this. I love that I don’t have to have it all together, because I know I can’t.  I love the fact that Grace came to conquer my life of contradictions and compromise, redeeming me for a life of purpose and fullness. Lately, it seems as if it is becoming increasingly obvious to me that I am imperfect.  I seem to become more aware of my shortcomings, and the areas in my life that Christ is asking to take and refine.  

I have been, once again, asking God to take my eyes off me, and fix them onto Him; teaching me to Love Him beautifully by revealing to me more of Himself.  

Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents.  Mostly what  God does is love you.  Keep company with Him and learn a life of love.  Observe how Christ loved us.  His love was not cautious but extravagant.  He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of Himself to us.  Love like that. 

I want to be one who is learning  what it means to live a lifestyle of Love.   I want to be one who loves like Jesus, extravagantly.  I don’t want my flesh to get in the way of what Christ wants to do in me, and through me.  Jesus, get rid of my filth.  When in the midst of battling my flesh, may You strengthen me, and spur me on to Love.  

In the battle between flesh and Love,  Love wins… always.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone and the new has come!

(sigh) Tonight is my last night in Japan.  I can hardly believe it.  

I have had the immense privilege of attending my good friends, Ribe and Yosuke’s wedding this weekend.  Ribe and I have known each other for over a decade, and lived together in both Washington and Hawaii (also with Yosuke, where we all worked together to put on the Festival of Hope and Light).

I have had a wonderful time in their world this weekend!  It’s been so great to just be together, living life a bit over the past couple days.  Their wedding was a perfect display of their characters and their passion to put Jesus at the center of everything they do.  I was honored to be apart!

I spent this weekend with some of my most favorite people!  My friends, Astin, Zum, Mitsu, and Mari were all in town for the wedding.  We all worked together in Hawaii, and got to have fun in Japan over the past couple of days!   We all enjoyed the wedding, went to a Jazz concert, went to church, ate together, went shopping, and relaxed together.  

Starting this evening, we are all beginning to return back to our “regular” routines… Yosuke and Ribe off to the States, Mari back to work, Mitsu, Zum, and I to Korea, and Astin (a day later) back to New York. 

What a blessing this weekend was!  These guys are like family.  I love the fact that we don’t see each other, talk to each other, or even live near each other, yet we still share a common love for each other, and for Jesus.  It’s wonderful.  Hopefully we’ll all get to see eachother again soon!

Maybe at the next wedding… I wonder who’s it will be!?

This past Friday afternoon, I received a phone call from my dad, waking me up from my afternoon nap, letting me know that my grampa had just passed away.  Strangely enough, after hanging up, and coming back to reality, I felt a strange sense of relief.  I’m aware, that sounds a little harsh… let me explain.

Growing up, I loved my grandparents.  I have memories of going over at their house, often with my brother and sister.   I remember loving spending time with them. 

My grampa always wanted to be a part of our lives.  He would play with us, and take us out for ice cream , or read us books for hours and hours, simply because it delighted us (and because I believe he delighted in us).  Growing up, we never questioned whether he loved us, or whether or not he prayed for us, or if he was proud of us, simply because he wasn’t afraid to tell us.  As long as I can remember,  he actively loved us through his words and through his actions. I don’t remember a time that I saw him where he didn’t tell me how much he loved me, how he was praying for me, and how much he was proud of me.

My grampa loved people, he loved serving others.  He loved praying, and he loved listening.  He genuinely cared what was going on in the lives of others.  He was a man of his word.  If he told you something you could count on the fact that he would do exactly what he said he was going to do.  I remember visiting him and often hearing about the lives of his nurses, about old friends, and what other family members were up to. 

My grampa was a tease.  He had sort of a natural kind of humor.  It seemed as if he didn’t really have to try to be funny, he would just slip in a word or two, or perhaps a story at the most opportune moment… Just enough to lighten the mood, and bring a smile to your face.  You could always tell when he was teasing, because you could see it in his eyes.  

My grampa loved my gramma, and was faithfully married to her for 56 years.  He called her his darlin’.  My grampa loved his family.  He delighted in them, he was proud of them. He always spoke highly of them. 

I have never heard a harsh word towards anyone come out of that man’s mouth.  He spoke well of people.  He honored others.  You could trust him, knowing that your name was safe in his mouth.  People knew they could go to him for advice, for prayer, for support, or simply if they just needed someone to listen to them.  He was good at that.  I remember him telling me about how he was sharing his faith with one of his nurses, and giving her his bible so she could get to know Jesus too. 

Unfortunately, a couple years ago, my grampa’s health started declining rather quickly.  Over the past couple years, he had lost the ability to breathe completely on his own, and had to be tube fed.  He was in pain and exhausted, constantly, and eventually had to be moved into an assisted living facility where he spent most of his time either in his room, or in his chair.  He depended on others to care for him, and depended on others to visit him .

Even though my grampa lost most of his physical freedom, he still did many of the same things he’d always done.  He didn’t become bitter, and I never heard him complain.  He constantly prayed for his those in his realm of influence, his family, his friends, his caregivers, and anyone else he came in contact with that needed prayer.  He always found different ways to connect with people, different ways to honor others.  On one occasion, he acquired a map, and found out where each of his caregivers lived, and asked my father to drive him to their houses so he could picture where they resided.  

Grampa loved Jesus a lot. I know he dreamed of the day when he got to see Jesus, face to face.  I know he dreamed of the day he got to breathe and walk on his own, the day he got to eat a steak again.  Grampa dreamed of the day he got to experience what it’s like to live in a place uneffected, untainted by sin.

I miss my grampa.  I loved him.  And it kills me to see how lonely my gramma feels without him.  But- I am so happy for him.  He’s waited a longtime to meet Jesus, He’s been in pain for so long.  And now- he’s finally free to live, untainted by sin, unaffected by physical limitations.

God’s Gift of Waiting

by: Bonnie S. Kopp

Waiting reveals what we truly believe; it reveals our hearts and areas of unbelief.  It reveals my unbelief to me; God already knows about it.

Waiting stretches and grows our faith so that our limits can expand.  It allows us the freedom to live now in absolute confidence.

Waiting transforms our own small life story into an eternal great story.  It reveals eternal perspectives

Waiting forces us to live “in the present”- learning for the last, being confident in the future while fully embracing today.

Waiting aligns our desires with His desires.  It teaches us His heart.  We beg God to move the mountain and discover He wants to move us instead.  

Waiting increases our awareness of our need for Him.  He withholds what we think we want in order to give us what He knows we need, an endless need for God himself.  

Waiting affords us the opportunity to be in His precious presence.  It keeps us on our knees.

Waiting teaches us the discipline of “silence” Be silent and know that I am God.

Waiting gives us “time” to embrace and deal with pain!  Time to deal with things we have ignored, denied, or buried.  Don’t waste the pain, let it drive us to the Healer!

Waiting gives us the opportunity to realize our weaknesses.  Our helplessness can be our greatest asset.  Waiting teaches us that when we are weak, He is strong.

Waiting makes us realize how very little control we really have over anything in this life.  Relinquishing control to God is how we truly grow.

God is waiting because He is not willing that any perish.

2 Peter 3:9

A couple days ago, I picked up and opened a book that seemed to be collecting dust on my bookshelf for quite some time.  The book, “Fight Like a Girl,” by Lisa Bevere, talks about the beauty and the power of being what God has called many to be, a girl.  

Many times, we women are afraid of who we are.  We feel akward as women, we feel weak, or insigficant… less than men.  We complain about eachother being too nosey, or “backstabbing, or simply just too difficult to understand, complaining that we don’t “just say it how it is.”  Many times, many of us, uncomfortable in our own shoes (as cute as they may be…) and seem to regret being born a woman, so instead of acting like one, we choose to hide our femininity, covering ourselves in an aura of manliness.

So, we parade around, doing our best to beat man at his own game. We buy into the lie that says if you wanna be powerful, you must act like a man, you have to go into their world, push them out of the way, and be better than them.  So, we insist on being the superior gender, convincing ourselves that anything they can do, we can do better.  We try our best to act like men, and we rob ourselves of something truly powerful, being what we were created to be.

Why is that?  Why are we so afraid of being women?  Why do we think that in order to gain respect, in order to have significance we have to erradicate gender differences, and all act the same? 

Why do we take the statement, “You fight like a girl!”  as an insult?

The bible says that both man and woman were created in the image of God (Gen. 1:27).  Adam was created first, but Eve was needed to complete him.  Both genders display different attibutes of God, together displaying a beautifully powerful portrait of the character of God.  

But, in order for His portrait to be accurate, we must first, on our own, be displaying our individual uniqueness.  We must first embrace our own gender, grab ahold of grace, and live up to the standards He has uniquely set for us.

Women, when we walk in our calling, we have incredible God-given power.  When we throw aside how we have been fashioned, and re-create our own skewed identity, we are limiting our power and dulling the reflection of Christ in us.  We have each been created for purpose and meaning, we each have an immense call on our lives; one of adventure and meaning and significance.  

When we learn how to become the women God intended us to become, we are ultimately choosing a life of freedom.  When we chose Godly femininity, we are choosing to trust that God understood what He was doing when He designed us. Men and women are different.  We see things differently.  We have access to different areas of the heart.  We communicate differently.  We show Love differently.  We fight differently.  We are capable of different kinds of greatness. 

We need to ask God to show us how He sees us.  We need to begin to re-embrace femininity.  We need to learn to walk in our unique, set apart giftings and callings.  Women have the ability to do incredibily significant things, only they can do.  We need to rise up and bring our contributions.

Lord, may I learn to embrace the femininity that You long for me to display.  May I become a woman who passionately seeks You, actively Loves You, and accurately displays You to the generations I meet.  Teach me what is means to be a woman after Your heart.  I don’t want to be a phony, buying into the lies of the world, telling me that I am weak and insignificant because I am a woman.  I understand that You have created me for greatness.  You have created me to do things, to Love people, and to fight and win battles that only I can accomplish.  Thank you for Loving me, for cheering for me, and for extending to me Your grace over and over again.  Thank for You for making me the way I am, and for teaching me to fight like a girl…

According to legend, someone once challenged Ernest Hemingway to write a six-word novel. It is said that he responded by writing,

“For Sale: Baby shoes, never worn.”

Whether or not it’s true, the 6 word story is causing quite a response.  Smith magazine (http://www.smithmag.net/) has taken the challenge and invited others to post their own memoirs, using just 6 words.  Due to the large response, a book was published, and hundreds more have been added to their website.

Here’s a few examples:

Never been a ‘five year planner’

Meet the geek of my dreams

One day I’ll do something right

Alone at home, cat on lap.

Anything is possible with duct tape.

Since discovering the six word memoirs, my church has issued the challenge of each writing out our own testimonies, like Hemingway, using just six words.  Here’s attempt to sum up my relationship with Jesus, in just 6 words:

Pursuing Agape Love.  Attempting to duplicate.

Everyone has a story.  What’s yours?

“So, speak encouraging words to one another.  Build up hope so you’ll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind.“

This morning, while reading the book of 1 Thessalonians, I was reminded of the importance of my words.  As a Christian, who is called to accurately display Christ to those who are around me, I need to be paying close attention to what I am speaking out.

I have a tendency to “speak while I think,”  sometimes saying things that are not quite processed through all the way, or saying things I don’t really mean in times of frustration or tiredness or simply just when I am not thinking.  

This isn’t ok.  I need to be making sure that I am thinking through what I am saying, before it flies out of my mouth.  I need to be one who is accurately displaying the Love of Christ through my actions, and through my words.  If what I do, and what I say aren’t lining up, then I am not living a life of integrity.  People don’t listen to, and follow people who aren’t genuine.  I need to be genuinely actively Loving Chirst… all the time.

This is going to be a tough one for me to work on.  Often times, my words reveal the slimy-ness of my heart. They reveal my bitterness, and my fears, my jealousy and my pain.  I don’t want that.  My prayer for my life today is that Christ would help me in what I say, as well as how I act.  May He give me wisdom in when and how to speak.  May He work on my timing and on my grace.  

 

 In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple.  Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying.  And they were calling to one another: 

    ”Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; 

       the whole earth is full of his glory.”

At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.

 ”Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty.”

 Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. With it he touched my mouth and said, “See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.”

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” 

      And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

I Love this.  Here, in the first part of the sixth chapter of the book of Isaiah, the author records a vision and a conversation he’s had with the Lord Almighty. 

Over the last year, I have really resonated with these verses.  The more I enter into the presence of God, the more I feel like God is asking me, 

“Whom shall I send?  And who will go for us?”

For quite a while now, I have felt God nudging me to “Go.”  He  has been asking me if I have what it takes, and  I have been going through a stage of being purified into more of His likeness, and less of mine; learning what it means and what it looks like to be the salt and light to the world.  Through this process, I am finding myself loving people more than ever before, craving to touch and speak to, and love and laugh with; to live life with God’s family in different cultures.  I have found myself yearning to travel, yearning to get my hands dirty… yearning to “Go.”

This morning, while singing along in worship, God asked me a question.

“Chels, I know you’ll ‘Go,’ you tell me all the time… you’d leave tomorrow if I told you where.  You beg me to let you.  You ask me when, and how, and where… But- would you stay if it’s what I asked you to do?”  

Tough question.  I wanted to immediately say yes.  But- would that be true?  Would I really be content in staying?  I love my family.  I love my friends.  I love my church.  But, I craved to ‘Go,’  and He knew that.

We are all loved, beautifully, equally and fully by God Almighty.  He yearns for those here, to come to know Him, just as much as he yearns for His children across the globe.  As I wrestled with the question, over and over (and really throughout the day…)  I have come to a conclusion.  Yes. I will stay here, forever, if that’s what was asked of me.  I will live my life here as if I will be here till the day I die, being the salt and the light; Loving on those here, the people God’s placed in my life now.  I believe, that until I am truly satisfied where God has placed me now, He won’t send me somewhere else… for unless I learn that no matter what, my satisfaction is found in Him alone, I won’t be satisfied anywhere.

For I have been created for a purpose.  Hand picked for an adventure, helping create a destiny that is far greater than myself, pouring into something far beyond anything that I could ever imagine.  My future is known by the One who created it.  

So, this evening, I find myself saying to my Lord, and to His plans for my life, ”As you wish.”  I will happily  follow You to the ends of the earth, moving in an instant, and I will joyfully stay put, pursuing You, and living out my adventure-here.

Take me Lord, as I am.  Make me Lord, into what You desire me to be.  And place me Lord, exactly where You want me to be.